Welcome to the  tour of Antwerp—the city where everything always runs perfectly, and everyone is incredibly kind to one another. If you hadn’t noticed—we’ve already started with the sarcasm.You’re probably here because someone convinced you this was an upgrade from Brussels. Well done, but honestly, you should’ve gone to Ghent instead. Seriously.Antwerp is famed for its splendour, from historic buildings to trendy coffee bars. A city brimming with grandeur and history, interspersed with construction sites that have been “almost finished” for years. But don’t worry, there’s excitement too! On average, you’ll hear a bomb or grenade go off before your second serving of fries. Keeps things lively.My main challenge is keeping you alive so you can listen to my other tours, which means most of Antwerp’s neighbourhoods are off the table.The Antwerp local is a rare specimen. With a neck thicker than their wallet and an ego that even overshadows the cathedral, you’ll spot them from miles away. Modesty? They’ve never heard of it here. That’s for losers from Mechelen.According to the people of Antwerp, Antwerp is the city, and the rest is just parking. And rightly so, since there’s no parking in Antwerp anyway. If you drove here: congratulations, that’s your first mistake. Expect traffic chaos, one-way streets you’ll never escape from, and parking fees that rival those of a global metropolis.Ready for a day of grandeur and chaos? This tour takes you through the highlights of Antwerp—and yes, it takes longer than an hour’s stroll. Don’t worry—there are shortcuts for the lazy ones, but the true troopers get the full package.Antwerp isn’t a city; it’s an endurance test. But if you survive the day, you’ll have something interesting to share at your next family gathering.